Working effectively with people you don’t get on with

No matter how skilled or experienced you are, at some point in your career, you’ll have to work closely with someone you just don’t like or respect. Whether it’s a personality clash, a difference in values, or a work style that grates on you, it can be incredibly challenging to remain professional and productive when tensions simmer beneath the surface.

You may say things like, “I just can’t get along with them,” or “We’re like oil and water.” The temptation is often to avoid or sideline the person, but in reality, doing so can harm your career more than you think and impact your team’s work. The key to working effectively with people you don’t like isn’t about forcing a friendship or pretending to agree on everything—it’s about building a productive relationship grounded in respect, understanding, and boundaries.

Focus on the Task, Not the Personality

When you’re working with someone whose personality clashes with yours, it’s easy to get distracted by how they ‘are’ rather than what you need to accomplish together. The most effective way to handle this is to focus squarely on the task at hand. What are the shared goals? What outcomes do you need to achieve together?

One of the things I often suggest to clients is to look at the relationship as a professional partnership rather than a friendship. You don’t need to like each other to work well together—you just need to keep the focus on what matters. By concentrating on the shared objective, you remove much of the emotional charge that can arise from personal differences.

Practice Emotional Detachment

Emotional detachment doesn’t mean switching off your feelings completely, but it does mean learning to put a little distance between your emotions and your actions. When you find someone irritating or difficult, it’s all too easy to react emotionally to every little thing they say or do.

I encourage clients to develop the habit of pausing before responding. If someone you don’t like makes a comment that rubs you up the wrong way, take a breath and ask yourself, “Is this worth getting worked up over?” More often than not, the answer is no. By practising detachment, you’re able to respond with calm and professionalism rather than letting irritation or frustration dictate your reactions.

Find Common Ground

Even with people you don’t get along with, there’s usually some common ground to be found. It might not be immediately obvious, but it’s worth making the effort to look for it. What do you both care about? Perhaps you’re both passionate about the success of a project, or maybe you share similar values when it comes to delivering high-quality work.

Finding common ground, even if it’s small, can help to shift the dynamic from adversarial to collaborative. It’s much easier to work together when you can point to shared goals or interests, even if your personalities don’t align.

Set Boundaries

Sometimes the best way to manage a difficult relationship is by setting clear boundaries. You may not be able to control the other person’s behaviour, but you can control how much it affects you. Boundaries are particularly important when dealing with colleagues who are negative, controlling, or overly critical.

One client I worked with had a particularly difficult colleague who frequently overstepped the line by micromanaging and criticising his every move. We worked together to develop clear, respectful boundaries around communication, making sure expectations were set from the start of each project. The result was a more manageable working relationship where his colleague’s behaviour no longer felt as intrusive or overwhelming.

Setting boundaries doesn’t mean shutting someone out, but it does mean ensuring that the relationship is sustainable and that you don’t sacrifice your wellbeing for the sake of harmony.

Shift Your Perspective

When you don’t like someone, it’s easy to focus on their negative traits, letting every little flaw get under your skin. But often, there’s more to the story. People are complex, and the very traits that frustrate you might be strengths in other contexts. For example, someone who seems overly assertive or domineering might be excellent at cutting through the noise to get things done quickly. Someone who seems overly critical may have a sharp eye for detail.

By shifting your perspective and looking for their strengths, you may find that the traits you once found frustrating have value, even if they’re expressed in ways you don’t personally like. This doesn’t mean you’ll suddenly become best friends, but it can help you see the person in a more balanced light and reduce some of the tension.

Don’t Make It Personal

One of the biggest mistakes we make when working with people we don’t get on with is assuming that everything they do is personal. If someone interrupts you in a meeting, it can feel like a direct attack. If they disagree with your approach, it can feel like they’re undermining you.

In reality, most of the time, it’s not personal—it’s just business. People have their own perspectives, pressures, and ways of working, and their actions are often more about them than about you. Keeping this in mind can help you take things less personally and avoid unnecessary conflict.

Know When to Let Go

Finally, it’s important to recognise that not every relationship will be easy, and not every conflict can be resolved. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you may still find it difficult to work with someone. In these cases, the best approach is to maintain professionalism, keep your focus on the work, and minimise unnecessary interaction.

If you’ve tried finding common ground, setting boundaries, and adjusting your perspective, but the relationship remains tense, it’s ok to acknowledge that you’re not going to like or get along with everyone. The key is to ensure that these feelings don’t spill over into the quality of your work or the overall atmosphere of the team.

In an ideal world, we’d all get along perfectly with everyone we work with. But in reality, we don’t always click with every colleague—and that’s ok. The goal isn’t to eliminate dislike but to manage it in a way that allows you to work effectively and professionally, even when personal chemistry is lacking.

By focusing on the task, setting boundaries, and practising emotional detachment, you can navigate these tricky relationships with grace and resilience. And who knows—sometimes, through understanding and shared goals, you may even find that the colleague you didn’t like at first becomes someone you respect.