HOW DO I... GET BETTER AT HAVING DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS?

Introducing Conversational Mapping

Conversational Mapping is a simple and easy to use technique to help you (and others) get better at having difficult conversations.

This technique, developed by coaching psychologist Anthony Grant, has four steps. Borrowing from Stephen Covey's 7 Habits, it starts with the end in mind and is designed to help you think through and prepare your conversation through these four stages before you embark upon it, beginning at the end.

Step 1. Start with the end in mind
Beginning with a focus on the end or outcome of the conversation ensures that you are attending to the actual impact of the conversation - i.e. the conclusion at the end. Conversational mapping systematically helps you to develop a map of the conversation working backwards from the desired outcome and in so doing identifying key themes, specific goals, values and needs. This process helps you to think through the conversation and prepare for any areas of potential derailment. Remember though that "the map is not the territory". In other words, the actual conversation may not go in the direction you have prepared for so flexibility is needed. A useful question to ask yourself is: How do I want the other person to be thinking and feeling at the end of the conversation?

Step 2. During the conversation
The second step is ensuring that one stays on track during the conversation. This is about managing the process during the conversation and requires you to be well prepared and flexible so that you can shift tactics and style during the conversation as required. To achieve this you might consider the following questions: What issues might derail the conversation? How can I manage potential derailers? How can I stay outcome-focused?

Step 3. The beginning of the conversation
When considering how to open the conversation it is important with this approach to set the frame of reference which will best set a productive outcome. Expectations and feelings can be shaped by 'goal priming' (sensitivity to contextual cues) so you might want to think about the opening words you will use, your tone of voice, your style or approach (e.g. collaborative), whether to stand or sit, and so on. Using visualisation or mental rehearsal can be a helpful way to plan this out.

Step 4. Before the conversation
The final stage looks at how you are going to prepare before the conversation. Our mindset and the emotions we are feeling in the moment have a major influence on our performance and outcomes. This step encourages you to design the mindset that you need to adopt for the conversation and then take the time to get into that mindset before the conversation even starts. You might want to ask yourself these questions: What kind of mindset do I need to be in? How am I going to get myself into that mindset? What do I need to do before the conversation starts?

It is important that the conversation is ended in such a way as to ensure that the momentum is carried forward. This might mean finishing with a written, agreed action plan or with a definitive plan for a further meeting, and so on. It is essential that whatever step you take here, there is enough energy and movement to keep the process going.

If you'd like further information or advice on using Conversational Mapping, do get in touch .

(c) Anthony M. Grant, 2016 ​Extracts reproduced with permission